Sitting next to you
Tomorrow, and then what? Should we have known it would end like this, passion unleashed without any chance of going back, a train wreck, preventable? Did we really have choices given what we felt?
I asked Jan those questions. She agreed about what might happen when our secrets we first kept from each other were out there, no eraser, and how it all would evolve, badly. It was inevitable that her husband would find out everything. All the secrets would boil over and out, into daylight and Jan knew she couldn't stop talking, telling it all and of course I had to also tell my wife about Jan.
It started with simple innocent flirting. It was a pleasant diversion as we worked together on the modeling project for the Biochemistry Division of Ajax Pharmaceuticals. Maybe flirting is never just fun and games but we just smiled, enjoyed it, and kept working on our joint project. Our playing around actually helped to get our work done. It took some of the pressure off the workload, the deadlines, the kind of pressure that can drive you crazy. Jan and I (oh my name is Rick) were colleagues and we were expected to always come up with solutions especially when tens of millions of dollars were at stake. This isn't the first time we collaborated on a project. Last year we published 2 scientific papers together and by then were really familiar with the emotions, intrigue and pressure to produce in the unforgiving world of drug development. We also got to know each other, sharing stories about our families, our lives as kids growing up, the experiences that were important in shaping our lives.
Tomorrow evening we would be together at a scientific meeting in Chicago. Tonight was our chance to do some final editing of our presentation. It was getting late. Sitting, next to each other staring at the projection screen in front of the conference room table our knees touched and stayed there.
Jan whispered 'I'm a bit nervous, about tomorrow. I think our findings should hold up to scrutiny but oh well'
I reassured her 'Look Jan we know what we have and what isn't complete and who else in the room knows our research better than we do?' and I stroked her cheek, and repeated what I had told her on many occasions, 'You are as good as they get. Your math modeling of drug action is the envy of our scientific community. You are the very best' and then I leaned over and hugged her, but this time I did not let go, instead I held her.
Once again her signature spicy sweet scent got to me and I could feel my nostrils twitch and so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel her warmth, and the soft swell of her breasts against me, and I couldn't stop myself from bringing my mouth close to her ear, and then caught myself but not really and whispered 'oh Jan you are the very best and I can't imagine working here without you, but there was so much more I wanted to say.
Jan pulled back from me, holding my hands in hers, and just stared, said nothing and then with our faces almost touching whispered back,
'and I can't imagine life without you. I just had to say what I think you have known or at least guessed.'
The silence that followed lasted minutes as we sat hand in hand locked in our shared thoughts, ' What is happening, and we knew, and what we wanted was so easy to imagine, I simply flowed, each in our own mind,we knew the place that we were going was dangerous and exciting, and we thought about what might happen if., and could we stop ourselves .and then we thought about our families, our spouses, her 2 kids, my older three kids, and then I thought back, back to us, back to tonight, and then tomorrow, our presentation, together, being away together, away from our families, together, touching, her scent, my hands in hers, our eyes, staring wondering reaching out to each other.
Finally Jan broke the silence. 'What do we do? What is happening and isn't this like a clichÃ© of what can happen in a work setting and yet what I feel is so real that even though it seems like a common workplace script it is so real to me that'..and she didn't finish her thought
I didn't know what we should do or not do except to say 'I want you so badly that I can explode. I can imagine the many ways that I want to touch you, have you, know every inch of you and how ...
Jan interrupted and whispered with her face almost touching mine, 'How do you want to touch me? Tell me. What do you want to do? What do you want to do first? What would you do if you could, if we could, if I. 'and then she stopped and dropped her head on my shoulder.
I whispered in her ear, 'Oh Jan, I want to taste and feel your tongue in my mouth, I want to suck the breath out of you, I want to dance and twirl my tongue around listening to the music and taste of what is inside you. I want to capture your private hidden spirit and all of your body, and want to feel you push back and touch me, your mouth hard on my lips.and I can imagine hearing you moan and then I can picture you pushing your tongue into my mouth leaving us both gasping, and part of me wishes none of this were so but I can't help being overwhelmed by you now, here, and I have to tell you I have thought of you so often, not just now, but then, yesterday, last week, the two of us together driven to an edge, a cliff and even as I want you I can feel the fear spill up from my gut and at the same time I don't care. I just want to taste and touch all of you and I can't keep that out of my mind. And I know you want me too.'
And Jan leaned over 'You mean you want me to kiss you like this, the way I thought of kissing you so many times before.'
Jan leaned forward and crushed her lips against mine with her mouth open grasping me, gasping, letting me know all about how she felt.
Suddenly we heard the cleaning cart stop in front of the conference room door, a key in the lock, turning, a face stared in and saw us, startled, but quick enough to halt our endless kiss, unglued our mouths, and when the door closed we both grasped one another again and continued a kiss that seemed endless, each of us pushing back our desperation, holding it for a moment, pushing back, letting each of us know, without words, how much we needed our embrace to go on and on and we both understood the passion that was leaving us helpless in each other's arms.
How could we stop when neither of us desperately wanted more. Jan moved her lips from mine and started to kiss my neck, my nose, and then my ear and her tongue twirled in and out and her breath filled all of me to the bursting point. My body and being were at the edge of precipice, shuttering, and I looked over the side with excitement and fear I couldn't stand it anymore and I could feel her nipple hard against the palm my hand and then Jan stopped and sat back while my hand continued to move from one breast to the other squeezing her, feeling her hard nipples through her cashmere sweater while my head continued to spin out of control.
Jan whispered slowly, her eyes, misty, 'and Rick what would you do if we could? What would you do, have us do together if it were possible? Could we let our imaginations fly and would that be enough for us, sufficient to quell our passion? Could imagining being free to do what we want be enough?'
'Jan you know that saying out loud what we wanted from each other makes it harder to stop and maybe that is why you suggested that? You don't want to stop and I am screaming inside, 'no, don't let this end here.'
'Rick, I need to know all of you the Rick that is out of control with me. There is so much more I can't put into words that doesn't capture what I feel. I am burning with desire to know what you would do, what you would do first if you could if we could and I will tell you how that might feel to me and how I would respond in turn, or maybe, I should be the one to start telling you how I want to touch you, and how I would want you to feel every crevice of my being, and all I want is to devour you, and oh, what does it matter. Yes, but of course yes, and I have to say it.I need to know how you imagine our love making, our passion, our loss of our private beings with each other, what it feels like to totally get lost in each other and with one another'.
Rick answered, slowly, with hesitation, with a stammer that only underscored his excitement.
'OK, if you want to know my imaginings. I would hold you in my arms for a long time. I would stroke your cheek, and the back of your neck and I would whisper secrets in your ear, first with words and then with my tongue, wordless, wet, and then I would move my hands lightly over your sweater feeling your warmth and softness of you and only then would I touch your hard nipples, I would squeeze them hard and your gasping words telling me what you feel and that you want more, more of all of what my hands would say, and would continue to whisper in your ear, with words, like I need you, I need you, I need to be in you, on top of you, beside you, quiet and screaming with excitement, and I want to be part of you and I need to have who you open to me and my tongue, dancing, warm, wet, the words, the touch tumbling out all over your body. I would reach under your sweater and slip my fingers beneath your bra so that I can feel your soft warm skin, and then I would cup your breasts, stroke them, squeeze them gently, then harder, but then I think it would be hard to stop myself from pinching your nipples harder, out of excitement, and squeezing your breasts even harder and when I heard you cry out to me I would need to lift your sweater over your head and then would bend down and lick the sides of your breasts and then I would put first one nipple then the other in my mouth sucking them slowly and then faster and would never let go, and as I heard your moans grow louder I could not help myself so I would bite your nipples, hard enough to hear you wince and gasp at the same time.'
and saying all this to Jan left me stunned and silent but not before I added .'and there is so much more I could tell you'.
Jan stared at me, with her arms tight around my neck, her face inches from mine. Rick, tell me everything you would do if we could and I will tell you what I can imagine, what I do with me next to you. I will tell you everything leaving no secrets behind.'
'Jan, are you sure you want me, us, to go on saying how we would make love to each other so slowly that we might lose our minds on the way? Another thing. Should we leave some things unsaid so that we can surprise each other later, if we were to go on along this path to .?'
Jan smiled, and whispered in my ear 'let me try and guess some of the things you want to tell me, things I want you to do, and I will also tell you about my, yes, frenzied longing, and I mean how frantic I am this very moment, and how I would not know how to stop my words from driving my need to touch and devour you in so many ways' all the while between words her tongue filled my ear with her seductive song. '
'Rick, don't you know how much I need you to know how wet I am hearing you tell me what you would do? I can imagine for you slowly stroking the inside of my knee and my thigh, yes, I want you to slowly move your hand up where you could feel my warmth, the wetness between my legs, and then you would want to touch my soaked panties, and they would be drenched because of you, your words, your promises of what you would do, and I would have to swallow my scream, the gagged words asking, begging you to touch me, to touch my wetness, to feel your fingers struggling to reach inside my panties, and then I know I would be moaning, no screaming, as your fingers moved up and down the lips of my vagina, and I would want to push your hand and fingers so that they moved inside me and then I would push your hands so that they might move around my clit, first in slow strokes and then faster and harder, and I would beg you to move your fingers hard and fast, and at the same time my hand would be on the zipper of your pants, wanting to take out your cock, yes your cock, not penis, not prick, your cock, yours in my hands, hard, trapped'
You would tell me how my wetness and heat between my legs would feel to you and I would slow us down by telling you all about what I feel, each moment that your hand moves softly, or firmly, and I could see your hand beneath my skirt, and .'
Jan asked me, 'Should I tell you what my panties look like? Do you want to see them? Do you want to taste the wetness? Do you want to pull them down, slowly? Do you want me to help you do that? '
And I answered, 'They are black and very snug and very wet' and I reached down and slowly moved my hands up Jan's skirt as she looked right at me, stared at me with half closed eyes.
'Rick, they are white panties and they are all wet because of you but you can feel that, all of that and if you can reach underneath you can find where all the moisture is coming from'
And so I felt her moist lips and at the same time pushed my tongue in her ear and told her that I needed to taste her on wetness on my fingers and she replied,
'Rick, put your fingers all the way inside me and move them just like you imagined you would and rub my clit with your wet fingers and let us both taste me. Let me take your hand, like this and lift your fingers first to your lips and then to mine and then we can taste each other's tongues together.'
I cherished each moment, the feel of the hair around her pussy, the soft yielding lips and as I fingers entered her it was I who gasped and muffled the sound against her lips, and minutes later I was transported to a new place in my mind, with Jan, as she sucked my fingers dry, and then put her hand on my pants.
'So many times, so often, when we were together, I thought I could see your hardness, and now I can feel what I imagined was so. I love it that you seem to be get harder by the moment as I stroke your cock, and do you want me to call it your prick?'
'Jan, yes I want you to call it my cock, ours, and I can imagine you pulling down the zipper of my pants, and slowly, very slowly, inching my cock out while stroking it at the same time. And I would tell you to open the belt my pants, pull my trousers down past my cock, and at the same time you would drag my shorts down and touch me, stroke my cock that is by now so hard it would be burst its own skin, and then I can imagine you moving your head down to look at it closer and closer and then you would open your mouth and barely touch the tip of my prick, no we agreed, my cock, with your tongue, and you would twirl it around the crown of my cock and then slowly you would lower your wet mouth down, further and further and then you would let my cock fall free and then you would lunge down on my cock, my prick, my staff, and I could barely suppress a scream. And you would continue to move up and down with your mouth and tongue looking at me at the same time, seeing my eyes that were by now feverish with the desire to, yes, I would want to fuck you and suck you and crush your body all at the same time and I would be besides myself and .
Jan stopped me to tell me what she felt at that moment.
'Rick, I would want you to explode in my mouth. I want to taste every last drop of you cum with nothing left behind. I want you to then slowly kiss me all over, slowly moving around, sucking my toes, all of me, suckling at my breasts and at the same time feeling all of me between my legs, and then I want your kisses to slowly move back down to my legs and I want you to lift my skirt and take it off along with my bra and I want your tongue to leave a trail of wet delight down to my pubic hairs, I want to pull the hairs into your mouth, and I want you to tease me, sniff all of me around my thighs and I want you to nibble at the inside of my thighs and I would push your head higher so that you were at the door of my pussy and I would tell you, plead with you, to put your mouth into the wetness of my pussy and I want you to put your tongue at the entrance to my pussy, teasing, slowly at first but then pushing, twirling the tip all about and I want your tongue inside my pussy, pushing far inside of me and I want you to keep moving your tongue all over my pussy and then you will move the tip of your tongue onto my throbbing clit and you will play with it, tease it, and then suck on it hard and my body would thrash about, I know it would, and you would try and hold me down as I arched up but the screams would erupt and all of me would come all over your face and then, then, I would grow still, exhausted, smiling to match your own smile'.
What could I say? I was dizzy with the emotions that have been peeled back and exposed and here we were.
'Jan, I imagined the same scene just as you described it makes my words pale, colorless in comparison, my imagination is even more on fire because if your imaginings, from what you wanted and not just what I had hoped you might want. Could you imagine lying still holding each other and then could you picture our excitement building once again. Could you imagine your hand on my cock, slowly guiding it towards your pussy, slowly moving me so that the head of my cock was barely at the door of your pussy and could you imagine, rubbing the tip of my cock back and forth across your pussy lips, your clit, slowly having each of us move so that my cock slips into your pussy, in further and further, and as that happens it becomes harder yet, to push on all of me in you, ready to explode and both of us won't let that happen, right?, not right away, not for some time and.
Jan, should we let this happen? Can we stop here, just with words and the scent of your wetness and my hard cock screaming?
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