Now what and later? Part I
I can't get Lisa out of my mind. Since last evening nothing in my life is the same. How could it be? What happened was so totally unexpected, exciting, frightening.
Maybe I am over reacting to what happened at the Donaldson's dinner party. Perhaps part of me was waiting for what happened and then it did. What does it tell me about who I am?
My husband Jim and I 'knew' many of the invited guests at the barbeque and looked forward to meeting up with them again. I pleaded with Jim to not get drunk and to be able to drive us home. For some years life with my husband has been like falling off a cliff. Our adolescent kids were well aware that something was amiss and they would ask me 'what's wrong' and I couldn't really tell them. As my marriage shrank Jim's waist expanded so that now a generous roll of fat flopped over his belt and out from under his sports jacket.
For the moment all our marital problems receded into the background as we wandered about the Donaldson backyard. A perfect evening for casual dining, a dip in the pool for those who thought about bringing their bathing suits, a huge glowing orange ball sunset followed by a full moon, and the sweet smell of the lilacs that seemed to be everywhere. The smoke from the barbeque danced up and around keeping time to the beat of the recorded dance music and even Jim took my hand and we danced to one of the numbers but then I realized that his arm around my waist was like a stick stuck in the mud and the way he held me reminded me that we hadn't fucked for months. One dance was enough and
I walked away and wandered about chatting briefly with old acquaintances while slowly sipping a glass of jug Merlot.
It was one of the Donaldson's larger parties but even so I got a chance to chat with almost everyone. The guests sat in small huddles holding their tilted dinner plates in their laps and their wine glasses at their feet. I didn't sit with Jim but instead joined two couples who I didn't really know well but had met before. We introduced each other, again, while slowly eating a perfectly grilled steak, along with one of my favorite side dishes, German potato salad (made not with mayonnaise but with a vinegar and oil dressing).
I sat next to Lisa who I had met briefly at an invitation only investment banking conference. She made some really interesting remarks at that meeting. I was struck by her beauty, intelligence and self-confidence. The mostly men audience sat up and listened when she got up and told the group that she disagreed with the investment model under discussion. She didn't hold back in her remarks. Lisa told them that she thought that the model being presented was 'bullshit and was not even ready for a silly info commercial'. Pow!!! Everyone in the room knew Lisa was no pushover. I followed her remarks with my own, supporting her conclusions. At the end of the one day meeting she came over to me and thanked me for 'my thoughts' and added, 'Maybe one day we can get together and expand on our ideas about investment banking' and I thought that would be a nice idea but didn't follow up nor did Lisa.
Nevertheless, during the next days and weeks I did think of her, her poise, strength, how articulate she was and attractive, and feminine. I was quite impressed with her along with a growing tinge of attraction.
So here we were sitting next to each other, chatting chewing, smiling. She had introduced me to her husband, Sandy, a strikingly handsome tall tan and raconteur. I thought what a sexy, with it couple. I couldn't help but notice her long legs highlighted by black panty hose, the understated but seductive cut of her jacket with just a hint of no bra showing underneath, makeup that highlighted her round lips and warm eyes.
What was I thinking, saying to myself experiencing and felt a flush flow over my face. This was Lisa that was making me feel, well, I admitted to myself, no doubt about it, hot, and somehow I felt she could read my reaction to her. I seemed lost in my feelings and wasn't even listening to our small talk and I tried not to stare and suddenly.. Lisa broke the spell.
She whispered in my ear, 'Why don't we continue where we left off at that silly investment conference. Why don't we stroll around the garden and talk about, investment strategies and the ways of mice men and women.' And she held my hand and helped me up and we wandered off.
Lisa seemed to do all the talking and I listened. 'You know that investment banking is all about seduction, about promises whispered into willing ears, about the romance of what the future will bring and the result is, infatuations with what the future can bring affairs of the flesh and the bank account. Don't you agree?'
I was intoxicated with her words and thoughts and her.
'I never thought of the bonds between investment banking, romance, sexual attraction and yet it all makes sense and, in retrospect it all seems so logical.'
Lisa put her arms around my waist. 'You know, Sue, you are quite attractive, and smart and, I hope you don't mind me saying this but also very sensuous. Do you know that about yourself or is my take of who you are a mystery to you?'
I was stunned and disarmed and answered in almost a stutter but without a censor for the words that bubbled out of me.
'Lisa, it has been such a long ago that I felt, sexy, wanted, a woman.'
I was going to go on but Lisa stopped me and turned me about facing me, looking straight into my eyes.
'I sort of suspected that seeing you with your husband and what a terrible shame, what a waste, a tragedy.'
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and said, 'It doesn't have to be that way. Life is too short and what we are and want to become needs room to blossom and if not what is our life about. And one more thought, no actually a question. Have you ever been with a woman? I mean, really been with a woman, not just having tea, or talking about the kids, but really with a woman, touching her, being close enough to her to feel her being and yes also her body. Have you ever been close enough to a woman to not only catch the scent of her perfume but also the scent from the warmth underneath her arms, and now I have to really stop myself but that is not who I am .have you ever wondered and then discovered what her cunt feels like, the taste of her juices, feeling them flow, around your tongue and have you ever been in her presence when her back arches up and her toes curl downand mean have you ever really been with a woman all of her when she is alive and totally open? And then she stopped and just stood there looking at me.
'Sue, I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn't mean to do that but somehow I felt the need to say what I thought about you and to respond to what I saw in you, some of what you might have imagined, pictured felt, and am I wrong about that. I sort of know that you imagined what it would be like to be with a woman.
Women respond to women very differently from how men are with women. They touch each other very differently and are much more aware of themselves and their partner than most men are capable of. Kissing a woman is so different than the kiss of a man. Their lips and tongue are so much likely to be in tune with each other so that kissing is in itself complete, exciting, liberating, sensuous and I could go on and on. If you have never kissed a woman, really kissed her, on the lips, with mouths open to each other, with tongues that speak to one another.well if not would you like to try it, to know what it might feel like?'
My knees were ready to give way and my head was spinning out of control and I was stunned and, at the same time, I could feel my cunt dripping, and I was gasping for air but also was gripped with fear and I knew that Lisa knew what I was feeling, all of it.
Lisa put her hand around my waist and continued. 'I assume I have disturbed you haven't I? Let me ask you some questions that you need not answer. You want me to kiss you, really kiss you, here, now, where no one can see us. You are curious, no excited to find out what that is like, to taste my mouth, feel my tongue on yours and you don't have to answer or nod or shake your head. My guess is that you are wet, you panties are being soaked as we speak, that you are wetter than the inside of my mouth with my tongue playing with yours, twirling, sucking all the juices into me because they are mine when they used to be yours'
I was breathless but whispered a scream, asking her 'please stop, and I want to kiss you and all this is overwhelming and Lisa, I don't know what to say what to do. I am paralyzed and feel like a deer caught in the headlights of a car and a part of me wants to run, run away as fast I can and'
and before I could continue I felt her lips on mine, her tongue seeking out my own, her breath, with my own gasping, struggle to keep standing, upright, at the edge of the privy bushes and then I felt her hand at the back of my neck pushing me down to her breasts, and I could feel them surrounding me, their softness, the sweet scent surrounding her nipples and as I gasped I pulled her breast out and bit down hard on her nipples, and I heard her muddled scream and moved up and my tongue caressed her ears and then it was Lisa that was moaning, holding me tight and then her hand went underneath my skirt and pushed hard against my cunt and her fingers played with my clit through my wet panties ..when suddenly her husband Sandy appeared, stood looking at us, smiling, and then walked over and hugged both of us together.
Sandy, still smiling, spoke to both of us. 'I guess, Lisa you have gotten to know Susan. Don't you think we should invite her to our house so that we could continue to get acquainted?'
I nodded, 'Yes, but I find all this so scary not just Lisa but now you, you who seemed to know what was going to happen and I am so confused.
Lisa replied gently, holding my hand. 'Sue, no hurry, and we would not hurt you or make you feel anything that you didn't want to experience. We can talk about all this later. OK?
And I simply replied, 'Yes later'.
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